Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
