i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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