you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
