see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize