i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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