Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
