I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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