Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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