'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
