So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize