why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
