I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize