8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize