we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
