Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
