there was a trapeze. enough said
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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