Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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