i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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