If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
