you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize