My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
