Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
