Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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