the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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