so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
