Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize