Dude my mom stole all your condoms
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
