What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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