I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
