Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
high people should be assigned attendants
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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