First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
