my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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