she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
