i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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