Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
