so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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