The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize