she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
