if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
