her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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