Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
