I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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