I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
