I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
