His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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