I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
