I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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