Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Barsexuality is the new black.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
