Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
