Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Your penis caused this!
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