your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
