she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
