I hate your face
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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