1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
