so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I am available for nakedness
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
