If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
