not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
