the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
it's like iHOP with fire
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
