he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
