Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
