my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
