Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
