i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
