drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
