I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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