dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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