YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
