wakey wakey hands off snakey
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize