I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
