yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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