I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
