weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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