Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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