The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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