i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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