Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I've blown a few things in my day
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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