Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
