The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
