I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
