u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
