The best revenge is premature balding
the day after is always just damage control
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
