Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
