Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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