On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
