I looked at my own cervix.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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