remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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