Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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