bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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