Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm like, not good at living.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize