Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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