he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
