This dress was meant to end up on your floor
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
